Saturday, February 26, 2011

ROETHLISBERGER: MEA CULPATHETIC

(February 26, 2011) --- Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger held an impromptu press conference to remind everyone again how he disappointed his team-mates and his city after a 31-25 defeat in Super Bowl XLV at the hands of the Green Bay Packers. "I feel like I let the city of Pittsburgh down, the fans, my coaches and teammates," said Roethlisberger. "It's not a good feeling."

The Steelers' QB coughed up a couple of key interceptions, including one that was returned for a touchdown by Packers safety Nick Collins. "That was all me," said Roethlisberger. "I don't put the blame on anybody but myself."

Roethlisberger: "There is no excuse for me."
After forcing a punt, Pittsburgh drove to midfield, but turned the ball over again when Roethlisberger's pass was intercepted by defensive back Jarrett Bush which lead to another Packers touchdown, giving Green Bay a 21-3 lead in the second quarter. "There are a lot of throws I'd like to have back, and that was one of them," the Steelers leader said as he wiped away a tear. "Totally my fault."

The Steelers finally were able to put points on the board in the 2nd quarter with a Shaun Suisham field goal. "Again, my error. Should have been six instead of just three. I was the guy who came up short on that drive. While we were kicking that field goal, I was on the sidelines kicking myself. Again, I screwed-up big-time."

The NFL is still working out some sort of compensation for the Super Bowl XLV ticket holders who were turned away from Cowboys Stadium after the Arlington Fire Department determined hundreds of upper-level seats and Jerry Jones's latest facelift to be "poorly constructed."
By the time the Black Eyed Peas took to the field for their Super Bowl halftime show, the Steelers were within 11-points of the Pack. "I know how disappointed most everyone was with Fergie's rendition of 'Sweet Child 'O' Mine'," said Big Ben as he hung his head. "I just want to take this opportunity to apologize from the bottom of my heart.... especially to Guns and Roses fans.” Ben also pleaded with everyone to go easy on Christina Aguilera. He confessed, "Instead of just standing there staring at her ass while she was botching up the National Anthem, I should have sang louder to help her along with the lyrics. I didn't, and I let Christina and a lot of patriotic Americans down."

The Steelers did manage to cut their deficit to three-points late in the 4th quarter, but the Packers defense held on for the win. "You know, there's nothing worse than to give your fans false-hopes, and that's exactly what I did. I'm a mean and horrible man. Let me be the first to point both of my fingers directly at myself."

Instead of a seventh Steelers Super Bowl trophy, the Packers got to take home a 13th NFL Championship. "I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused the people of Pittsburgh. There is only one loser in this Super Bowl... and that loser is me. GOD, I suck."

The PackerPage has confirmed that Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has a girlfriend and is engaged to be married.  Does this now mean Michael Vick has permission to get that pet dog he always wanted?
Roethlisberger closed his press conference with a personal invitation to all Steelers fans to line-up and kick him in the ass for free. Said Ben, in a standing but prone position, "Do me a favor, just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man, that's all, kick my ass... enjoy! C'mon... I'm not asking, I'm telling with this... kick my ass!"

In related news, Tyndale House Publishing plans to release a new coffee-table book on the complete NFL career of re-re-re-retired quarterback Brett Favre. The hundreds of photographs in the book start with his very last season with the Minnesota Vikings and trace back, in reverse chronological order, to his days in the league when he used to wear pants.