Wednesday, January 26, 2011

CUTLER'S LAST STAND

(January 25, 2011) --- With a squad that lead the NFL with the most starters on injured reserve, a team that stumbled into December with a mediocre 8-and-6 record, and a quarterback who once sported a 70’s styled porn-star mustache... the Green Bay Packers have overcome major adversity to win their fifth straight elimination game and earn a place in Super Bowl XLV.

Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers looked brilliant in the opening drive of the NFC Championship game, marching his squad across the beautifully painted dirt at Soldier Field for the Packers first score.

Last Sunday's win sends the Packers to the Super Bowl for the fifth time in franchise history and a chance to win their 13th NFL championship.  The PackerPage wanted to get a few thoughts from the Packers quarterback that preceded Aaron Rodgers in Green Bay, but no one in Wisconsin could remember who that was.
Sure, the Packers beat the Bears 21-14 last Sunday to advance to the Super Bowl, but somehow Green Bay’s achievement was lost amid a huge Jay Cutler media backlash. Bears fans wanted to know why their QB suddenly went AWOL, lost his balls, threw-in the towel, wussied out, hung it up... manned-down.  Was this Cutler's last stand?

In a post-game press conference, Cutler told the media he thinks that "something might have happened somewhere on his body sometime in the 2nd quarter" and decided it would be better for his team if he just sat-out the rest of the game on the sideline bench and pouted. As sports reporters found out later, apparently Cutler's diaper-rash was far worse than his physicians had at first realized.

Far be it for any of us to question Jay Cutler's toughness, but apparently he prefers two-ply toilet paper.  Just remember that Ray Nitschke used a pine cone, and that was only when the paperboy was late with the Chicago Tribune.
With Cutler out, Bears coach Lovie Smith put in their back-up quarterback... and then the back-up to the back-up. Then... with their back up against the wall, Mr. Hanie at the helm in the 4th, and a reputation that’s mostly based on luck... the Bears managed to pull within 7-points. But with less than two-minutes left in regulation, Green Bay hunter Sam Shields bagged another bothersome Bear by picking off his second of the day and thus brought the bacon home for the Packers.

The Packers gave a big BJ to Chicago in the 3rd quarter... but it wasn't exactly the happy ending that the Bears had hoped for.
Upset that their team lost such an important game to their arch-rivals, Chicago police were said to have responded to several reports of angry Bears fans taking out their aggressions outside Soldier Field.
• Several disgruntled Chicago ticket holders gathered to protest their quarterback by burning their Jay Cutler jerseys. A fire department spokesperson said that injuries might have been prevented if they would have taken them off first.

• Dozens of crazed and riotous Chicagoans found themselves stuck in the stadium parking lot for several hours after realizing they inadvertently tipped over their own cars.

• And actor Jim Belushi was so pissed-off that he kidnapped a group of Packers fans and forced them to watch an entire season of "According to Jim." Sadly, there were no survivors.
A few Packer Backers said they felt a bit sorry for their NFL neighbors to the south and were even a little bit sympathetic.  According to one Cheesehead, "I guess I'd be angry too if all I had to cheer for were the Bears and the Cubs."
Despite widespread criticism, several head coaches have stepped-up in support of Jay during this controversy and want him to be with a team where he feels the most comfortable. In fact, the PackerPage has recently discovered that Cutler is planning on cutting his ties with the Bears and is seriously entertaining an offer to become the starting quarterback with the San Diego Seduction.