Wednesday, November 10, 2010

WADE NO MORE

(November 9, 2010) --- In case you haven't heard, Wade Phillips was fired from the Dallas Cowboys one day after his team got spanked (45-7) by the Green Bay Packers in Lambeau Field last Sunday night.

Replacing Phillips as the Cowboys' new warden will be the team's assistant correction's officer and offensive coordinator Jason Garrett. You may remember that Garrett’s big claim-to-fame was carrying Troy Aikman's clipboard during the Cowboys' 1993 and 1995 Super Bowl wins.


But honestly... how could Jerry Jones be so insensitive as to fire a man who is six-months pregnant?

This is the first time in Dallas Cowboys history that a head coach has been fired mid-season, and the very first time an NFL team has experienced implosions at two different stadiums in the same year.

The 1-7 Cowboys --- who have now lost their last five games --- are off to their worst start since 1989... you know, back in the good old days when their defense coordinator was Johnnie Cochran.

But not all Cowboys fans were totally happy with the news of Phillips firing. Longtime Dallas backer Tony Ponorica admitted he was very upset he lost his scapegoat. He wondered, “NOW who we gonna blame for being so God-awful crappy?”


"I'm not telling you how to do your job, but..."

What’s next for Wade? Well, he himself is not yet entirely sure. But he did say he’s hopeful he’ll get his old part-time job back of carrying the bags under Jerry Jones’ eyes.

In related news, the FDA issued a stern warning to all Americans that the mixture of tryptophan from your turkey dinner combined with having to watch the Cowboys and Lions on Thanksgiving Day may well induce widespread diaboring comas.