Wednesday, October 13, 2010

PANTS ON THE GROUND!

(October 13, 2010) --- Despite the mainstream media's lies and smears, the PackerPage is here to report that Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre continues to have very high approval ratings... mostly in places like Eastern Minnesota, Southern Mississippi and John Madden’s motor-home.

Now that's one quarterback sack most fans do not want to see.  Ever.
Apparently, several news outlets are issuing stories that the NFL is reviewing allegations that flirty audio clips and racy pictures were sent by Favre to sports reporter Jenn Sterger when both were employed by the New York Jets two seasons ago. They claim that Brett’s cell-phone pictures of his “Little Lorenzo” were recently... um, intercepted... and posted on-line.

These rumors began to break nationally just before Minnesota visited New York for a Monday Night Football game earlier this week in which the Vikes had to play football while poor Brett’s privates became virtually-viral all the while having to endure tendinitis in his throwing elbow, (most likely the result of how he's been gripping his game balls).

Favre: "So sorry for the distraction, guys.  I promise I'll make it up to you with an awesome boat party after the season is over."
Favre fans agree that members of the mainstream media need to stop dicking around with their limp treatment of a very hairy situation by dipstick journalists who don’t have the balls to admit they made a whopper of a big boner. The PackerPage promises not to stoop to such sophomoric journalistic behavior and will be giving the three-time MVP the benefit of the doubt.

Anonymous sources close to the PackerPage claim all Favre was doing was helping Sterger by giving her an early scoop on his career move from the Jets to the Vikings by texting her a photo of Mini-Brett in a purple helmet. It’s either that or the fault of a sensitive cell-phone camera button and a defective pair of Wrangler jeans.

BrINT came up short in the Vikings' 29-20 loss last Monday against the Jets amid crazy rumors Favre let it all hang out.  The only overexposed dick the PackerPage could find in Minnesota was Randy Moss.
But despite those very plausible explanations, there are some who are actually turning their backs on the NFL vet. Some in Wisconsin say they are proud that the Green Bay Packers won Super Bowl XXXI, but now deny that Favre was ever a part of that team. These so-called TD-Party "Badger Birthers" refuse to believe Brett was their quarterback unless some kind of special document is produced that says otherwise.

The PackerPage will continue its probe into Little Lorenzo’s 15-minutes of unanticipated fame. But so far we were unable to find any skeletons in Brett Favre’s closet... just a crapload of complimentary Wrangler jeans.

And a penis pump.

With the elections just a couple of weeks away, next week the PackerPage examines the Upper Midwest weiner debate.  What's your preference?  A Minnesota kielbasa or a Wisconsin bratwurst.  Don't forget to vote on November 2nd!