Sunday, October 24, 2010

NFC NORTH QUARTERBACK FAQ'S

(October 23, 2010) --- How well do you know your NFC North quarterbacks? Okay smartass; let’s take a quick QB pop quiz.

Aside from gold, name one of the colors Aaron Rodgers wears when he’s playing for the Green Bay Packers. Can you correctly spell “Favre?” Would you like to punch Jay Cutler in the face?

The National Football League... truly a game of inches.
You’ll discover that there’s a big difference in the quarterbacks that lead the Packers, Bears and Vikings. For instance, Aaron Rodgers is known for making good decisions, Jay Cutler is known for making bad decisions, and everyone knows Brett Favre can’t make one at all.

Always remember, being an informed sports fan is more important than ever, and this in-depth PackerPage quarterback guide will help you dish out the bull when sucking down brewskis with your NFL buds and add some much needed machismo when you’re trying to impress the ladies.

You’ll find all the vital information about the guys that take the snaps in the Black & Blue division right here at your fingertips, so don't watch a single game without this useful tool. Speaking of tools... let’s start with that Vikings’ quarterback.


Brett Lorenzo Favre

The Vikings have put themselves in a situation where they live and die with Brett Favre. And football fans in Minnesota know their lake shanty is on thin ice.

Favre is bruised and battered and extremely bummed. He has tendinitis in his throwing arm, a very sore ankle, and his Blackberry is on the fritz.

Favre has become just another football player. His sun is setting; his leaves are changing color; his cell-phone minutes are all used up. Favre is ordinary enough that his quarterback rating has fallen to 72.1 (28th in the league), down there with Alex Smith, Sam Bradford and you. And after five-games this season, Brett still has more interceptions than touchdowns. But you really do have to admit, Favre’s late fourth-quarter game-losing picks are a thing of beauty.

Then there’s his age. Grandpa Brett is so old he now needs a seeing-eye center to lead him to the huddle. Favre is so ancient that every time he steps onto the football field he yells at all the young players to get off of his lawn. He’s been in the NFL so long that when he first started playing football he was sending women lewd telegraph messages.

Sure, some still regard Favre as the league’s “Ol’ Gunslinger,” but it turns out all he’s packing today is an unloaded pocket Derringer.


Jay Nimrod Cutler

When the Denver Broncos traded quarterback Jay Cutler to the Chicago Bears in 2009, the Vanderbilt standout was labeled as arrogant, a crybaby and a malcontent. Bears fans only cared that he wasn’t Rex Grossman. That was, until he threw 26 interceptions.

Sure, Cutler made Brett Favre’s arm seem like a precision-guided smart-bomb launcher... but that was last year. This season Cutler has the most relaxing gig of any QB in the NFL because he’s spending most of his playing-time... on his back. In fact, Cutler has been sacked so many times (23 so far this season, including nine in one game) that he should be wearing burlap. It’s gotten so bad that Jay is considering asking the NFL if he can hike the ball to himself while defenders count to five before they’re allowed to cross the line of scrimmage.

But apparently, when you have a dysfunctional organization who hires a dysfunctional offensive coordinator to lead a dysfunctional quarterback, you’re going to have problems. It’s either that, or Cutler’s ungroovy Justin Bieber haircut.

Jay Cutler: Just the right talent in his arm to justify running the ball 95% of the time.


Aaron Charles Rodgers

Rodgers is the first quarterback in league history to throw for 4,000 yards his first two seasons as a starter. But his progress this season has been hampered by so many injuries that team meetings and practices have been moved to St. Vincent Hospital.

Ryan Grant, Jermichael Finley, Ryan Pickett, Clay Matthews, Brandon Chillar, Nick Barnett, Al Harris, Atari Bigby, Mark Tauscher, Chad Clifton, Ace E. Elle, Irv Toe, Abe Rayshon and Brian Hemorrhage have all either missed time or suffered season-ending injuries for Green Bay. Sadly, even some of the injuries have injuries.

In fact, Packers coach Mike McCarthy says if they lose anyone else on offense, Rodgers may be forced to throw passes to himself.

Another concern is protection. We want Rodgers to get it! (And we hope Favre is using it.) Aaron Rodgers has been sacked 14-times so far this season which some say is the result of holding onto the ball a little bit too long. Aside from receivers who need to be open and a more solid offensive-line, Rodgers needs to get creative to prevent becoming a sack victim. For instance, while Aaron is scrambling, the least he could do is pump-fake a rocket-ball into the approaching defender’s gonads. Psych!

But overall, Rodgers rules the roost. The rest are just cock-a-doodle-doodoos. And we know that’s true because Brett Favre has photographic proof.