Thursday, August 19, 2010

HOLEY HAIR-DO TEBOW!

(August 19, 2010) --- It all began two weeks ago when huge strands of hair began to fall mysteriously from the very center of the top of Denver Broncos eighth-string quarterback’s noggin, eventually forming a perfectly round bald spot with a thick border of hair around it. Tim Tebow’s teammate Matt Prater was the first to point-out that this strange fall-out could very well be a sign from God. “I simply told Tim one day that it looked like a hairy halo... you know, a hair-lo.”

Denver Broncos rookie QB Tim Tebow is either trying to start the sports-nation's next big fad or he's been hanging around the Merry Men way too much.

But others thought the whole Tebow transformation was just plain evil. “Every time I would look at the top of Tim’s chrome-dome,” uttered Broncos tackle Jamal Williams, “my balls would suddenly start to itch. Weird.”

It was only after a man-of-the-cloth was called in to see if the former Gator was exorcism-worthy when a priest close to Linda Blair recognized what Tebow was really going through. Turns out, Tim isn’t possessed at all. He’s simply suffering from a rare spiritual occurrence known as "Wigmata..." a sudden and spontaneous loss of locks in a fashion that curiously parallels the hair-style of religious figure Friar Tuck.

It was indeed a sign. And as a life-long home-schooled Christian, Tebow seems to have at last found the light. “I’m finally getting a hint from the Big Guy that there is more to just handsomely throwing a football and teasing the ladies with my virginity.”

Aside from giving his teammates something to rub for good luck before each Broncos game, his Rogaine-endorsed melon is opening up other doors of opportunity as well.

Tebow says he’s seriously considering other career offers which have recently come his way, including a gig as the new San Diego Padres sideline mascot or a more financially stable job at Medieval Times. And just yesterday Universal Studios approached Tebow to co-star alongside Dan Akroyd in the remake of the classic John Hughes film "The Great Outdoors" to play the role of Bart the Bald Headed Grizzly Bear.

Although Tebow's hair follicles may have died for his sins you have to admit that male pattern baldness is still always funny. By-the-way, shortly after this nice photo was taken, a couple of long-billed three-toed woodpeckers made Tebow's head their new home. (Incidentally, the Packers say it’s unfortunate they don’t get to play the Broncos this season as they have a Hawk who would just love to land on that particular nest.)

And if by some chance the NFL quarterbacking thing with the Bronco’s doesn’t quite work out, well... his hair should all grow back by the time he accepts that starting job taking snaps in the UFL.