Thursday, July 8, 2010


(July 8, 2010) --- Immediately after hearing of the LeBron James plan to turn his Thursday evening decision of which NBA team he'll play for into a one-hour ESPN television special, Brett Favre made it known to the world that he would not be outdone when it comes to self-important media overexposure.

So, beginning next week, taping will commence for a television network entertainment variety spectacular tentatively titled "S'Wonderful! S'Farvelous! That You Should Care For Me!" which will air in August opposite the NFL Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony.

The Brett Favre television variety spectacular will be sponsored by Wrangler jeans. But unlike Favre, the pants are wrinkle-free.

Favre said he will use his three-hour TV special as a public service to announce to his fans whether or not he will grace the Minnesota Vikings with his presence as their quarterback this season. But will viewers outside Minnesota allow a scruffily-looking grandpa quarterback to sing and dance his way into their hearts?

Well, Favre thinks so. He said he’s confident his fans will tune in to his TV spectacular initially because of the “will-he-or-won’t-he” factor, but will stick around for the laughs and the love. More specifically, said Favre, “We’ll supply the laughs, and you’ll provide the love.”

Favre said there will be comedy sketches, acrobatics, animal acts, magic tricks, dramatic recitations and even a musical number or two. Brett said he'll be performing several songs including "Should I Stay Or Should I Go," "Pants on the Ground" and "I Got You Babe," a touching duet with Adrian Peterson (if he doesn't fumble the lyrics).

According to the show’s producer, the special will open with an elaborate Egyptian backdrop with four Minnesota Viking teammates carrying Favre in on a purple palanquin to a giant throne where coach Brad Childress fans him frantically while slowly feeding him grapes one by one. Favre then whips off his cape, tosses his scepter and breaks into a snappy Gershwin tune, followed by a stand-up monologue which Brett hopes will be packed-full of Ted Thompson jokes.

If Grandpa Favre does indeed decide to return to play football this season, the NFL ruled he must be assigned the new jersey number of 401k.

Producers say special guest stars they are looking at to appear on Brett’s big-show include Tiger Woods, Lady Ga Ga, Jay-Z, Kobe Bryant, Kristen Stewart, Tina Fey, Justin Bieber, Will Ferrell and Katy Perry. But as of press-time the only celebrities they’ve been able to officially confirm thus far are Susan Boyle, Carrot Top, Danny Bonaduce, Jose Canseco, Pauly Shore, Sarah Palin, Andrew Dice Clay and that famous waterskiing squirrel.

Incidentally, Favre proudly announced that all proceeds from the yet-to-be broadcast program will go toward the Brett Favre Retirement Fund. He didn’t specify which one.