(June 23, 2010) --- You think you have problems? Well, in an effort to make your life seem a bit more normal, the PackerPage has compiled a list of the worst scandals in sports history. It wasn’t easy picking just ten shameful moments. For instance, in 2006 alone, it was so bad for the Cincinnati Bengals that after a dozen players were arrested that year the team was almost forced by the NFL to change their name to the Cowboys. And let’s just say that if the NFL built a Hall-of-Shame in Canton, Pacman Jones would have his own wing. But as you know sports scandals are not limited to the football field. From baseball players with corked bats to pro fighters with an appetite for raw ear, there's enough scandalous behaviour out there to taint any sport. Yes... even in a Green Bay Packers approved family activity such as Bear punting.
So, for your reading pleasure (and to further disgrace the guilty), here is the PackerPage list of the top-10 most outrageous scandals in sports history as voted on by you. And remember... it’s all true. All of it. Really!
1. Vikings Sex Boat Scandal (2005): It was an incident in which several Minnesota Vikings players held a cruise boat party on Lake Minnetonka that allegedly involved nudity, visible sexual activity, public drunkenness and a goat named “Olga.” According to police reports, crew members complained about various bits of individual acts, so perverted, that decorum prohibits us listing them here. Several Vikings players were later hit with numerous serious charges such as sexual assault, public drunkenness, and impersonating a professional football team on the playing field.
Here’s a nice picture of Vikings QB Daunte Culpepper with a budget stripper from Duluth. Although he claimed to be completely innocent of all the shenanigans during the team's infamous Sex Boat Cruise, Culpepper was not able to explain to reporters the huge wad of one-dollar bills still sticking out of his front pants pocket.
2. Chicago Black Sox (1919): Forget about throwing baseball games. Chicago White Sox player “Shoeless” Joe Jackson was actually shamed after he shed his cleats in game five of the 1919 World Series. Fans were mortified, and Joe was eventually banished from baseball, after everyone discovered Joe had a crapload of those ugly yellow Dermatophytes living under his big toe. Yikes!
3. O.J. in the Can (2008): Former Buffalo Bills Hall-of-Fame running back O.J. Simpson, who was best known for his horribly bad acting, was somehow acquitted of murder charges in the 1994 deaths of his wife Nicole and her friend Ronald Goldman. But to the delight of many, O.J. finally got his day in court 14-years later when he was sentenced to several years in prison for armed robbery in Vegas and then immediately named a candidate for the “Heistman Trophy.” After hearing the news, the Hertz company renewed O.J.'s contract... only now he'll be making license plates for them.
"We're just glad it's over. This man dragged our nickname through the mud for thirteen long years. Now we can finally look forward to being squeezed and consumed without fear," said a ripe, juicy orange.
4. Tonya Harding vs. Nancy Kerrigan (1994): When your competitor is better than you are and you want the gold medal at the US Figure Skating Championships, what’s a girl to do? Hit-man, lead-pipe, sex-tape, pretty Olympic skaters in short skirts... let’s just say that Tonya provided more trailer park-type scandal than a Jerry Springer “Best-of DVD.”
5. Michael Vick Lands in the Dog House (2007): Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick found himself in the hot-seat for financing a dog-fighting ring and later pled guilty to being a “bad boy, bad boy!” in a federal dog-fighting charge. As they say, every dog has its day as Vick received a fine, four-years of obedience school, ordered to wear a GPS collar with leash, and was sentenced to over a year in the pound with dinner each evening consisting of only Kibbles ‘n Bits. (Not the bacon ones but those regular bland-tasting bits.)
Bob Barker says, "Help control the Vick population. Have your QB spayed or neutered."
6. Basketball’s Beer Frame (2004): During a Pistons-Pacers game in Detroit, Ron Artest completely lost it when a Pistons fan dumped a cold beer on top of his head after which a hockey game immediately broke out. Although Artest was suspended for the rest of the season because of the melee, fans later discovered Ron was riled simply because he prefers to be doused with Miller High Life instead of that watered-down Bud Light crap.
7. Pete Rose Banned from Baseball? You Bet! (1989): With a career that includes rookie of the year, three World Series rings and numerous batting records, baseball legend Pete Rose still isn’t in the Hall-of-Fame. But not too many people know that it’s not because of his gambling problem. Rose was actually banned from baseball because he’s a self-serving, egotistical, vain, tax cheat. But his real crime was sporting such a criminally bad haircut.
Pete Rose... banned for life from Baseball and SuperCuts.
8. Tiger Woods’ Thanksgiving Crash (2009): After discovering that her husband was having an affair, Elin Nordegren came after pro golfer Tiger Woods with a 5-iron in their Orlando driveway causing him to crash his SUV into a tree proving to golf fans once and for all he’s a better putter than driver.
9. A Little (Out of His) League World Series (2001): Cute left-handed pitcher Danny Almonte had everyone thinking he was an amazing 12-year-old pitcher who gained fame as the player to throw the first perfect game in Little League history since 1957. It was only after everyone wondered why he was the only teammate with a driver’s license when it was discovered he was instead a 32-year old Dominican Republic-born beer-guzzling, snuff-chewing, belly-itcher from the Bronx with a wife and three kids.
10. Olympic Swimmer Takes Home Acapulco Gold (2009): Michael Phelps was caught on camera enjoying a pre-dinner bong hit... apparently just trying to keep his caloric intake up. Although Phelps lost several commercial endorsements because of the bad exposure his face still continued to appear on boxes of Weedies breakfast cereal.