Sunday, February 14, 2010

TOP 10 PACKERPAGE SPORTS STORIES OF 2009

(February 14, 2010) --- I know. We should have published this story almost two-months ago. But that Aaron Rodgers' interception was hard to shake. All we could do over the past four-weeks was eat nothing but cheese nachos while quietly and sadly hum "The Bears Still Suck Polka." Besides, he was freakin' facemasked! We're so glad the Cardinals didn't make it to the Super Bowl... and praise St. Vince the Vikings crapped out before getting there!

Anyway, let's get to it. Here are the Top-10 PackerPage Sports Stories of 2009. (PS... Happy Valentine's Day!)

10. Serena Williams Lets Every U.S. Open Tennis Fan Know She Has a Potty-Mouth (And Just Exactly What Else You Can Do With a Tennis Ball)

9. The United Football League Debuts; Anyone Wanna Play? (#1 UFL Goal: To Last Longer Than the XFL)

8. New York Yankees Purchase Another World Series Championship! (George Steinbrenner Now Looking into Buying his Team a Super Bowl Title Too)

7. Alex Roidriguez Admits Steroids Made His Head the Size of a Watermelon (After Tearful Press Conference A-Rod Cried Himself to Sleep... on His Extra-Extra Large Pillow)

6. Brett Favre Signs Deal to Throw Interceptions for the Minnesota Vikings (Bus Cook Officially Becomes the New Colonel Tom Parker)

5. The Philadelphia Eagles Bail-Out Michael Vick to Hold Donovan McNabb's Clipboard (Team Figures They'll Make Some Extra Cash Selling a Crapload of Michael Vick Chew-Toys)

4. Cleveland Signs Shaq as their New Sheriff (The Cavaliers Now have the Biggest Guy in the NBA... and the Slowest Guy in the NBA)

3. Michael Phelps is Caught on Camera Enjoying a Pre-Dinner Bong Hit (He Was Just Trying to Keep His Caloric Intake Up)

2. Pittsburgh Steelers Defeat the Arizona Cardinals in Hyper Bowl XLIII (Game Set Record for the Number of Football Fans Sleeping in Front of Their Televisions)

1. Tiger Woods Crashes Car, Wife Breaks Window With Golf Club (The Guys Who Call Themselves Journalists at TMZ Got a 3 Wood After First Hearing of This Story.)