Wednesday, December 23, 2009


(December 23, 2009) --- With the regular season winding down, the NFL play-off picture may seem a little bit blurred... except, of course, for the fact that once again... the Bears still suck.

Well the PackerPage is here to take that blurred play-off picture, add a bit of cheese, and smear it around just a little bit to try to explain the "who's" and "how's" of the NFL post-season.

NFL Commish Roger Goodell determining the 2010 schedule.

Now the Saints, Vikings, Cards, Colts and Eagles have all somehow clinched a spots in the NFC play-offs and everyone knows the Indianapolis Colts (14-0) are a shoe-in to end the season undefeated and cruise to the Super Bowl. That is unless Larry Csonka, Bob Griese and Nick Bounticonti run into Peyton Mannings in a dark alley somewhere within the next couple of days. But what about all the other teams that are battling for one of those few remaining play-off slots?

Well here (for your head-scratching enjoyment) is a PackerPage breakdown of each team's chances of making it into the NFL post-season.


Minnesota Vikings
...can clinch a first-round bye with:
1. a win and a Philadelphia loss or tie, OR
2. a Minnesota tie and Philadelphia loss; AND
3. if Brett Favre doesn't retire this week.

Philadelphia Eagles
...can clinch the NFC East division with:
1. a win and a Dallas loss or tie, OR
2. a tie and a Dallas loss, OR
3. if the Cowboys don't show up to their last two regular season games.

New Orleans Saints
...can clinch Home-Field advantage if:
1. the Saints go marching in.

Green Bay Packers
...can clinch a playoff spot with:
1. a win and a NY Giants loss or tie, OR
2. a win and a Dallas loss, OR
3. a tie and a NY Giants loss, AND
4. a defense that gets their heads out of their asses.

Dallas Cowboys
...can clinch a playoff spot with:
1. a win and a NY Giants loss or tie, AND
2. a lot of cheating.


San Diego Chargers
...can see a play-off game by:
1. buying their tickets through Ticketmaster, OR
2. watching it on TV like the rest of us slugs.

New England Patriots
...can clinch AFC East division title with:
1. a win or tie, OR
2. a Miami loss or tie, AND
3. an extra sensitive zoom-lense.

Cincinnati Bengals
...can clinch AFC North division title with:
1. a win and a Jacksonville loss or tie with a NY Jets loss or tie, a Denver loss, a Pittburgh loss or tie and a Denver loss (oh wait, we've already said that) and a Miami loss. Did we also mention that Tennessee's team plane has to breakdown, swine flu must infect all members of the Jaguars, Dolphins, Titans and Oilers and the final score of their last regular-season game must add up to a whole prime number that is divisable by 2, AND
2. a lawyer to figure all this stuff out.

Baltmore Ravens
...can clinch a playoff spot with:
1. a win, AND
2. another win, OR
3. a move back to Indianapolis.

Denver Broncos
...can clinch a playoff spot when:
1. pigs fly, OR
2. hell freezes over, OR
3. monkeys fly out of your butt.